Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
