How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
