i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
A+ Viking dick
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
