Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
