Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My legs feel like baby dolphins
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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