i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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