Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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