thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize