Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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