Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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