i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
