He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
