idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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