so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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