She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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