Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
