there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
