Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
