You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
