Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
