he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
