If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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