So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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