walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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