I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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