Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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