yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
