I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
