my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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