I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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