Where are you?
In a non slutty way
"it" just moved
Betty ford says i'm here all night
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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