if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
