I think I won the penis lottery.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
