you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize