I think my vagina is haunted
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
