We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
