it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
