They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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