would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
