Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize