just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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