Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
