I'm lost and stupid without you.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
whose ass print is on the piano?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
