at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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