Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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