____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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