I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
