We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
