What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
