Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
