Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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