The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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