wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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