I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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