I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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