But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
