you guys were way drunker than both of me
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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