I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
