i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
