laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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