In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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