you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
