I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
